In the Mix Read online

  “You totally did. What the fuck is the matter with you?” I ask as I saunter over to the sauce she’s cooking. “Mmm . . . whatcha got going on here?” I stir it then suck down a mouthful from the spoon.

  “Ceese, goddamn it! Stop!” She smacks my hand.

  “What?!” My mouth full. Mm . . . I haven’t had normal food in three days. “Did you make enough for me?” I ask, though I don’t know why I bother.

  “Of course, but I wasn’t expecting you.” She nudges me over to open the oven.

  Just then, I hear the garage door open. “I guess vagina breath is home.”

  “Ceese, knock it off!” she gasps and swats me.

  “Um . . . according to you, it’s true.” I bite back my smile.

  “I did not say he has . . . vagina breath,” she says the last bit quietly.

  “Hey, Ceese! What a pleasant surprise!” Mitch bellows behind me . . . sarcastically. Don’t get me wrong, Mitch and I love each other. Things have just been a little off because of the whole Kyle situation.

  “According to Ceese, we asked her to watch the kids tonight,” Charley informs Mitch before planting a kiss on his lips.

  Yeah. I’m jealous. So what? I’m also happy for my sister. I can live vicariously through her. I know I’ll never have this. You know, the ‘Hey, honey, how was your day?’ shit. He ruined all my hopes of having that. I’ll never allow myself to trust like that again. It’s been fifteen years and it’s no less painful or traumatic. I’m always amazed how people handle things so differently. You ever think about that? What happened to me, I can just about guarantee, has happened to other women. I don’t know who they are but I wonder if they’ve moved on from it. I have. In many ways, I have, except when it comes to trusting.

  “CiCi!” Mitch snaps his fingers in my face and I focus back. “Where’d you go in there?” He taps my temple.

  “I’d tell you, but then you’d want to tag along next time.” I grab some grapes out of the bowl on the counter and pop them into my mouth. “Where are the kids?” I ask with my mouth full.

  “Mom and Dad’s for the night.” Charley raises a brow at me. Damn it.

  “Why did you do that since I was coming over?”

  “I didn’t know you were coming over.” She rolls her eyes. I mentally chuckle. No one ruffles her feathers like I do. I’m quite proud of that record.

  “Why the hell else would I be here? Don’t you think I have better things to do?” I throw my arms up.

  “No!” They bark in unison.

  “But, I’m glad you’re here,” Mitch smiles. Not the normal smile you get from somebody who’s generally happy. More like a smile from someone who has something up their sleeve but you’re not quite sure what it could be.

  “Why?” I ask slowly and suspiciously.

  “We’ve missed you, that’s all!” He smiles broadly and pulls me in for a hug. Awkward hug. Just then, the doorbell rings. “Ah! That would be our dinner guest.” Mitch announces, pulling away.

  “Dinner guest?” I mouth to Charley when he leaves to answer the door. She ignores me by turning to grab dishes out of the cabinet.

  “Here, at least set the table,” she says as she passes them to me.

  “I can go.”

  “Nope,” she quips and goes back to getting things ready to bring out. I walk out to the dining room with the plates.

  “Oh . . . so you are alive! What’s the matter, Ceese, you can’t call a brotha back?”

  “Jay . . . first of all,” I turn to face him, “you’re white. Second, I’ve been busy.”

  “Busy avoiding people,” he mutters under his breath.

  “Only meddling bitches.” I smile sarcastically.

  “Oh, shut the fuck up and give me some love!” He grabs me and pulls me into his Hercules-embrace. Jay’s got a body to die for. The kind that makes you want to outline muscles with your tongue. He smells good. He’s handsome and when he smiles, those killer dimples get you every time. He’s one of my dearest friends and the only guy I thoroughly trust. Oh, and . . . he’s gay . . . as all the good ones are. I could hug him forever.

  “What the hell is this?” A voice, that is becoming very familiar to me, asks in an accusatory tone.

  I lift my head off Jay’s chest. “This is me, hugging my gusband. Why? You jealous?” I ask straight-faced. “Jay, I think Kyle wants a hug from you.” I look up at Jay and chuckle.

  “Damn skippy, I want a hug from him.” Kyle says, placing his hands on his hips. “I can’t believe you’re stepping out on me like this, Jay. I mean, I know she’s beautiful but I thought we had something,” he adds.

  “Listen, man, if she don’t give it up soon, you just come swinging my way and I’ll show you just what you been missin’ your whole life.” Jay laughs and throws his hand out for one of those slap-shakes that only guys can pull off. I don’t know how Jay pulls it off, either; my balls are definitely bigger than his.

  “How the hell do you two know each other?” I finally ask.

  “Kyle and I go way back!” Jay shrugs and let’s his embrace on me go.

  “Way back since when?”

  “Since last Tuesday.” Kyle grabs my hand and pulls me to him. “Hi,” he breathes into my face. Fuck the way my heart pounds like crazy when he’s this close. Just fuck it! And then he does it. He leans down and sweeps my lips like we’ve been together forever.

  And.

  I hate it.

  I hate every second that I love it.

  Eskimo kiss.

  Damn it, I love when he does that.

  “Ceese, can you grab the rest of the stuff for me?” Charley asks as she walks into the dining room with one of her masterpieces.

  “Sure.” I try to pull myself together. Kyle gives me another quick peck then pats my ass before letting me go. I turn and head through the threshold of the dining room into the kitchen. And yes, I totally misgauged the doorway and smacked my shoulder into the frame, but I’ma keep walking like that didn’t happen.

  “Owww!” I complain lowly as I make it into the kitchen and out of view. I rub my shoulder. That is so going to bruise. I head over to the cabinet to grab the glasses.

  “Psst . . . hey!” Charley hisses behind me. I turn to her. “Are you guys together now?”

  I shrug.

  “No! You don’t get to just shrug as if I asked you a simple question. This is a very loaded question that deserves a very loaded answer!” She crosses her arms.

  “Since when do you wear aprons and who gave you that one?” I try to divert her inquisition.

  “I didn’t want to slop up my outfit. Kyle’s mom gave it to me. I like it,” she adds.

  “Kyle’s mom? When did you meet her and why did she give that to you?” Ok, I’m a little irritated that my sister has met my boy . . . er . . . Kyle’s mom before I have. Not that I want to meet her. Lord only knows what she’ll think of me. Actually, I’m pretty sure she’ll think me not good enough for her son. I don’t blame her. In fact, I agree with her.

  “I met her last week. She invited us over for dinner. She’s really nice. You’d like her.” She smacks my arm lightly for emphasis.

  “Well, I’m sure she wouldn’t like me, so I’m in no rush,” I mutter.

  “On the contrary, we had a very nice chat about you and she’s already decided she’s a big fan of yours, although, she’s not pleased with how you’re stringing her son along.” She raises her brows. “Which brings me back to my question, the one you so nicely avoided; are you two together now?”

  “Why is she a fan of mine?”

  “The way you treat Lindsay.”

  “How do I treat Lindsay?” I knit my brows together.

  “Like a person and not a diagnosis.”

  I give her a slight smile. “I love that kid.” I hand her the glasses I had retrieved so I can turn around for the last of them.

  “Ceese, are you going to answer me about Kyle?”

  “Jesus.” I sigh. “You’re a pain in the ass!” I co
mplain. “I don’t know. I guess I’m letting some walls down. I’m not sure about anything in my life right now.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” She jerks her head back as I turn again.

  “It means I’m hungry and I’m not sure if you’re ever going to feed me. Now, come on.” I nudge her shoulder as I pass her, heading back out to the dining room.

  “I’ll take those,” Mitch says, grabbing the glasses from me to place on the wet bar. “Go sit down.” He nods his head in Kyle’s direction. Dutifully, I head over. Yeah, I said dutifully. I’m a little off my game tonight—so what?

  I head around the table to the chair next to Kyle and take a seat. He gives me one of those smiles that hits his eyes. It makes me feel giddy inside like a fucking moron.

  I hate it.

  I hate how good he makes me feel.

  Here’s the thing. I know that if I give this “a go,” eventually, I’m going to fuck up and then his eyes will change towards me. He’ll look at me with hatred. That’s why I hate this so much. Kyle is normal and good and Goddamn it if I’m not falling for him, but I don’t trust normal and good. I’m very scared of it.

  But with him . . .

  Just maybe.

  Kyle leans into my ear; his hand softly rubs my back, “How was work today, Ceese?”

  “It was ok. Slow.” I say truthfully before grabbing my glass of wine from Mitch.

  “I thought you guys did a killing at your charity thing. You haven’t gained any new clientele from that?” he asks.

  “No.” I answer abruptly and grab my plate to put some eggplant parm on it. I grab Kyle’s when I’m done and give him a portion. “Bread?” I glance at him quickly.

  “Yeah. Thanks,” he nods. “I don’t get it. Lindsay said so many people were happy with the service and promised to come back.”

  “I don’t get it, either. I also don’t want to talk about it.” I add.

  “Can I look into this for you? You know, business is sort of my thing.” I can see that he’s treading lightly. I sit back and stare at him for a few.

  “It’d be smart on your part to do so, Ceese. Kyle’ll figure that shit out in no time. It’s why I keep him around.” Mitch points his forkful at me before shoving it into his mouth. He then rolls his eyes back and my sister grins excitedly. Dorks—both of them!

  “I don’t run a car part business. I deal in cuddly fur balls.” I roll my eyes and take a sip.

  “Business is business, babe.” Kyle mumbles and butters his bread.

  “Well, this is my business and I’d prefer you to keep your nose out of it. Ok, babe?” I snap, throwing his endearment back at him sarcastically.

  “Fine!” He forks into his eggplant aggressively. “Just when I thought your fucking self-protective wall had vanished, you whip it out like a fucking magic trick. Bravo, Ceese!”

  I didn’t mean to be like that. I meant to keep my wall down. I just . . .”babe” felt very possessive. I couldn’t help myself. I’m such an over achiever—I’m fucking things up before they even get started. I stew in this, silently, as I eat my food.

  “So, let’s talk design, shall we?” Jay pipes up.

  “Yes!” Charley’s voice jumps excitedly at the mention.

  “I was thinking that since your menu is comfort food with no specifically themed ethnicity, we’d design around the comforts of home. Plush, couch-like seating for the booths. Tables will be more like dining room tables instead of restaurant quality. Only input I’d like is what kind of comfort theme are you looking for in style and color? Personally, I’m thinking Southern. Pay homage to your hero, Paula Dean. What are your thoughts, sweetie?”

  “What do you think, Ceese?” Charley asks me excitedly. Fuck. I’m sitting here, battling tears because I feel so fucked up and emotional and she’s expecting me to give her my opinion on . . . on . . . wait—what the fuck are they talking about?

  “What are you guys talking about?” I try to keep my voice steady.

  “Mitch bought me a restaurant. He just surprised me with the deed last night!” She smacks my hand. My sister and her effin’ smacking for emphasis.

  “Wow.” It’s all I can say because I feel a little green monster taking over me. Ever feel jealous of the person you love the most in your life? I don’t want to feel this way. I want to be happy for her, but fuck it if doesn’t feel like she’s gotten everything handed to her lately. I know, I know; I shouldn’t be saying that or feeling this way. She’s had her fair share of fucked up shit. I’m just hormonal. Yes. I must be due for my lady curse.

  “That’s how Kyle and I met. He handled the buy for Mitch and met me over at the site to get measurements for me to give the place an overhaul.” Jay snaps me out of my pity-party-for-one. “Of course, I thought he wanted my measurements but he was quick to correct me. It seems he’s only interested in yours, CiCi.”

  “Yeah, well, Kyle’s realizing that maybe he should change his mind about that. It’s not worth it.” Kyle mutters . . . in third person. I can’t even stop my neck from turning to look at him or stop the tear that finally wins and slides down my cheek. I believe the words, it’s not worth it, is what pushed it along. I’m guessing that he senses me looking at him because he glances up from his plate and his face visibly softens. I look away.

  “I’m going to take my dinner to my room,” I say quickly and start to stand with my plate in hands.

  “You don’t live here, CiCi. You don’t have a room.” Mitch bellows out with annoyance.

  “I have lived here for over ten years!” I snap back.

  “You are not staying here! Go home! I’m tired of you inviting yourself all of the damn time! You’re not wanted here!” Mitch continues. Crack. That was the sound of my heart breaking down the center. Mitch has never talked to me like this.

  “How dare you?” Charley gasps. I look over at her, expecting that question to be directed towards me. I mean, why not? First Kyle, then Mitch. However, she’s looking right at Mitch.

  “How dare I what, Charlotte, state the obvious?”

  “Who’s it obvious to, Mitch? You?” She throws her napkin on top of her plate.

  “Baby, what are you doing? You need to eat.” He points at her plate.

  “I’ve lost my appetite,” she seethes. “CiCi, you’re more than welcome to stay here tonight.” She looks over at me. “In fact, I think we should make a girl’s night of it! Stay in my room with me and we’ll rent movies and pig out on ice cream.” She smiles.

  “Excuse me?” Mitch says through his teeth angrily.

  “You heard me.” She glares right back at him before bringing her focus over to Kyle, “And you, Kyle, are a fucking pussy! You didn’t even attempt to tell Mitch to shut up while he was being a rude fucking prick to my sister. It seems to me that you’re not the one who’s “worth it” around here.”

  “Dayum! You know Charley’s pissed when the f-bomb is flying out her mouth like it’s her job to drop them.” Jay adds his two cents before continuing with his meal.

  “CiCi, you are not staying here. That’s final.” Mitch states before taking another bite of his meal.

  “This is my house and I will say who stays and leaves.” Charley yells and I swear to God her face has just turned as red as the damn sauce. I think it’s clear that Charley and I are on the same cycle.

  “Your house, huh?” He laughs but not the haha laugh, more like the “are you fucking kidding me?” laugh. “You haven’t paid one single mortgage payment on your house since I met you! I’m pretty sure you’ve never made a single payment on this house in general. Spreading your legs so your bills get paid won’t hold up in court, Char, so I think it’s safe to say I own this house just like I own you!” He pushes his plate away.

  What are we all doing?

  Same as you—staring at him in shock and wanting to choke him.

  “Excuse me, everyone,” Charley says, barely audible before getting up. “Sorry about dinner tonight. I don’t know what happened, but I apolo
gize.” She gains some strength back in her voice. “Goodnight,” she adds before heading out of the dining room.

  “Baby, wait.” Mitch tries to grab her arm but she takes off.

  “Dude . . .” Kyle says, seemingly in disbelief.

  “I can’t believe I just talked to her like that. Where do I even begin to try to fix what I just did?” He puts his head into his hands after propping his elbows onto the table.

  “Tell her you’re sorry. She knows you’re still working on what happened to you. She knows that shit flies out of your mouth before you can even think about it because you’re still trying to protect yourself. She loves you, Mitch, and she knows you love her. Just tell her, but don’t say that you won’t do it again. Be honest. Tell her that you’re sorry for now and for in the future if and when you do it again, no matter the degree.” I offer, knowing exactly why he does it. I do the same damn thing.

  “Let me start by apologizing to you, Ceese. I’ve been a real jerk to you because I see you doing to Kyle what I do to Charlotte.” He reaches forward for my hand. “You know I love you. You are always welcome here. I didn’t mean that.” He squeezes my hand once I place it in his.

  “Thanks for saying that. I’m sorry I ruined your evening. The pipes at my place burst or something and it’ll be a few days before it’s fixed, so I don’t have any running water at the moment. I’ll go to my parents.” A little white lie never hurt anyone.

  “Why didn’t you just tell us that?” Mitch shakes his head.

  “Because that would be so un-CiCi like of me.” I shiver at the thought.

  “Alright, I’m going to go upstairs and begin my groveling. Wish me luck. If you hear a girl, screaming in fear, it’ll probably be me, getting the crap kicked out of me,” he says wearily before getting up.

  “You deserve it.”

  “I know I do.” He shakes his head. “Goodnight.” He gives us a half smile and heads out of the room.

  “Well, this was a new spin on fast food.” Jay scrapes up the last bite on his plate.

  “Dude, I can’t believe you just sat here and shoveled that fucking food in your mouth the entire time.” I throw a roll at his head.