In the Mix Read online

  Then . . . I hear it.

  Brzzzjrrr.

  I close my legs a little.

  Bbbrrzzzzjerrrrzzz.

  And suddenly I feel like Betty Cocker (Yes, I said Cock-er), getting busy, mixing a cake in here. Why do they have to make these things so loud? I mean—oh . . . oh, holy fuck of all fuckkkkerrrs! I’m not even holding it! Shhhhit! Yessss!

  Ding!

  Cake’s done!

  I immediately turn Purp off; otherwise, I won’t be able to walk today! This thing is lethal! I love it!

  I barely walk through the door of my shop and the phone is already screaming at me. “Bark Avenue, this is CiCi, how can I help you?”

  “Did you lose your fucking cell phone again?” Julie asks. Fuck, she sounds annoyed.

  “No! I just don’t have it attached to my ass like some people I know. What’s the matter with you?” I glance down at my appointment book then up at the clock. This bitch has fifteen minutes for me to solve her problems.

  “What’s the matter with me?” She does that sarcastic laugh that makes me want to throat punch her. I’m not really a violent person—just pms-ing. “Let’s see!” Oh boy. “My best friend, who tells me everything, forgets to mention a certain rich, hot-as-fuck, CEO-type dude she’s met. Same dude who ruffled her feathers so much, I’ve barely heard from her in three weeks since said event!”

  “Dude,” I sigh.

  “What?”

  “I talked to you yesterday.”

  “So?”

  “I have hung out with you just about every other day!” Bitch just lost ten minutes! I’m not in the mood for this shit.

  “So?”

  “So . . . what the fuck are you talking about?” I throw my free hand out before using it to shove the swinging door open to my back room.

  “Just because you are here doesn’t mean you are fucking present. What is going on with you? What happened?” Her tone dials it up a notch.

  “Julie, I can’t do this right now. I have a client coming in any minute.” I grab the shampoo bottles.

  “It’s a dog—not a client!” she yells.

  “Dogs are my clients and they’re people, too. Stop acting like they don’t matter.” I grab the brushes.

  “They are dogs, you Asswhore—not humans!”

  “You know what I mean.” Nobody ever understands the way I feel about animals. They don’t suck. People suck. Well, except for Buddy, that dog sucks—the life out of me!

  “Whatever. We’re going for drinks tonight and I want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth or so help me God . . .”

  “Ok, Judge Judy. Now will you shut the fuck up and let me get to work?” I head back out to the front as I hear the bell.

  “Yeah, yeah. I’m only doing this because I love you,” she claims.

  “You’re only doing this because you’re a nosy bitch,” I say quietly and wave to my customer. “And I love you, too. Bye, bitch!”

  “Bye!” she says in her usual carefree tone. I hang up. She thinks she’s won, but there is no way in hell that I’m going to talk to her about Kyle. No way! I’ve been dodging that bullet for three weeks now and I will not cave in. This phone call, though, only tells me that Julie has hit level two of being a pain in the ass about it. I’ll need to step up my game.

  “Hey, CiCi, I hope you didn’t get off the phone on my account.” Addie smiles as she puts Pearl up on the counter. Pearl is a two year-old Pug and she’s just, well . . . a pearl!

  “Oh, no, not at all. You actually saved me from my meddling best friend.” I say with a sigh of relief. “Hello there, Miss Pearl. Are you all ready to get the royal treatment?” I lift her into my arms. She answers with an assertive licking of my face.

  “She loves spa time with CiCi.” She gives Pearl’s head a little scratch. “How are the numbers coming along for the fundraiser?” she inquires and my heart sinks.

  “Slow, but I’ve added more advertisements. I’m going to see if my sister’s boyfriend will help me out. I’m sure he’ll be able to.” Bastard better after the way he fucking treated me!

  “That’ll be good. I know I’ve been driving people nuts about it. They just don’t understand how much the shelters need their help. Most people think about people and not these defenseless little dolls.” Addie says sadly. She speaks the truth. I’d do anything for these little guys—all animals, really. Even Buddy—that little fucker! That’s why I’ve teamed up with Addie every year to raise money. Sometimes, twice a year. I try to do as much as I can. Being a small business owner that focuses on animals does help in reaching the right people to get to our goals. However, with the economy being the way it has been, it’s been rough. Not only are people bringing their animals in less to be groomed, they are actually giving them up to the very shelters that we are trying to help maintain.

  “You look tired today, Addie.” I cock my head a bit to the side.

  “I am,” she nods slightly. “I had to let go of another person and I’m just not getting the volunteers that I used to. I’ve been working more hours lately.” She holds back on her frown a bit. Addie never complains about anything. She has a heart of gold, that woman. She’s one of the very few people I like. I suppose I could say she’s one of the very few people who like me!

  “What day could you use me the most?” I ask.

  “Oh, Ceese, I couldn’t—”

  “You didn’t. I’m offering. I want to! What day?” I ask again.

  “You are an angel. You know that, right?” Her smile hits her bright, blue eyes as she grabs my hand and squeezes it. She really doesn’t know me that well. “Whatever day you find the time, dear.” She pats my hand.

  “Ok. I’ll call you and let you know when I can head over.” I pull away slightly. I have a hard time getting compliments. It freaks me out. Maddie calls it Doxophobia. I told her ‘Well at least I don’t have Dicksaphobia! That would suck!’ She said, ‘Seriously, what would you do with your mouth then? You’d have to pick up a nasty habit like smoking or something!’

  “CiCi? You alright?” Addie breaks me out of my thoughts.

  “Oh yeah, sorry.” I smile. “Well, Miss Pearl should be ready for you by two but you know she can stay here with me till I close up.” I hug Pearl to me.

  “Good, I’ll be back around five.” She smiles and scratches Pearl’s head again before heading out.

  I head in to my back room again or le spa, if you will, and set Pearl down in the pen. I want to send Mitch a text before I get started on her. Fucking bastard owes me!

  “Ugh!” Mitch pushes his phone away from him on the table.

  “What’s wrong? Who is that?” I look up from last month’s financials. We’re getting ready to buy out another company and merge them with ours. It was impromptu and we’ve pretty much been at it around the clock for the past week. We want this merger to go as smoothly as if we have been working on and planning it for months. This would be a lot easier had we been working on and planning it for months. However, we just got wind of Trox, Inc. going down. They have been one of our biggest competitors. To be ahead in business, you gotta stay ahead. If we let this go and another company grabs it, I’m not going to lie; it could hurt us. Hence—us grabbing this thing by the balls. It’s getting down to the wire and every call is making us jump or pace. It has nothing to do whatsoever with the forty-two cans of Redbull lying around.

  “CiCi. I don’t have time for whatever bullshit she’s spewing my way.” He grabs his can of RB and chugs the rest.

  “Uh, can I see what she wants?” What am I—a fucking teenager? It’s just driving me crazy. I thought I’d hear something from her by now. It’s been three weeks. She hasn’t even mentioned me to Charlotte, as far as Mitch knows. I’m trying to be cool about this and get a game plan going. Only, I don’t know what game she’s playing so I can plan my strategy out.

  “Here.” He slides his phone down to me. “But I’m going to tell you one thing!” He holds a finger up and shakes it at me. �
�Whatever you do better not get me in trouble with Charlotte. I’ll kick your fucking ass. I’d fire you but that would be the equivalent of kicking my own ass. So that won’t do. Don’t fuck with my home life, Kyle!” he warns again.

  “Dude, why the fuck would I do anything to get you in trouble? What I will do for you though, is take you to the doctor’s so you can get your balls reattached. Would you like me to do that for you? Where does Charlotte keep them—a compartment in her purse?” I smirk.

  “Fuck you, Mr. I’ve found the keeper of my balls, Mitch.”

  “You’re gonna play that card, huh?” Why the fuck did I say that to him? He’s never gonna let me live it down!

  “Dude, I’m gonna play that card till neither one of us remembers why the fuck I’m playing it!” He gives me a smug smile. Asshole.

  I look down and go into his text.

  I need your help, Asshole.

  Don’t fucking ignore me or you’ll get no Puss ‘n Boots!

  “From the look on your face, man, you need some translation done for you!” Mitch laughs.

  “Do they have an App for this?” I shake my head. Mitch throws his head back, laughing harder. I’m guessing he’s familiar with “CiCi speak.”

  “What did she say?” he asks. I tell him. “She’s threatening to get Charlotte to hold back from me.”

  “Did you take a course on this?” I stare at him in awe.

  “Yeah, a crash course.” He rolls his eyes.

  “Can I?” I shake his phone a bit.

  “Go ahead, be my guest! Just don’t complain to me about your headache later!” he says then gets back to the financial reports.

  Nobody comes between me and my Puss ‘n Boots!

  What do you need help with?

  Puhlease!

  Anywho . . .

  I’m running a fundraiser for the shelter I work with.

  I’m having a groom-a-thon where I donate all of the proceeds to the shelter.

  A groom-a-thon?

  Yes, dipshit! I groom as many as I can in one day.

  Will you groom me?

  Why—you need your vagina waxed?

  “Dude, stop laughing like a girl over there!” Mitch barks at me.

  “Fuck you!” I flip him off.

  No. But I know somebody who would love to groom yours!

  I told you, Mitch, I’m not fucking you!

  I stare at those words for I don’t know how goddamn long. I am doing everything I can not to flip the fuck out here. I glance up at my boss. My friend. I study him, waiting for the answer to the question I don’t know if I can bring myself to ask. Mitch looks up quickly then looks again when he notices my stare. I’m sure from his perspective, it looks pretty intense. I’m feeling pretty intense. His phone pings. I look down.

  Are you whacking off to my picture again?

  Which one?

  The one you’ve been dreaming about me sending, Asshat!

  “Kyle, did you just get mind-fucked by her?” Mitch asks cautiously.

  “Yep. I’m good now, though.”

  “Alright. Let me know if you need any more help translating.” He gets back to work.

  What can I do to help?

  A generous donation for a start.

  But mostly, if you can get people down to my shop.

  For?

  Blowjobs of course!

  What do you think, moron?

  You have an odd way of asking people to help you!

  Sorry.

  I don’t speak ‘Dumbass’ fluently. *shrugs*

  Unlike the language of ‘Bitch.’

  Exactly!

  Can you nudge the people you know with pets to come down?

  Please?

  I’ll even take volunteers to help if somebody wants to.

  Really?

  Yes! I can use all the help I can get.

  Don’t even fucking say it!

  Say what?

  Fuck you, Mitch!

  I didn’t say anything!

  You don’t have to!

  What day?

  Sept. 7th. It’s the Sat. after labor day!

  So none of your pansy-ass employees can say they can’t!

  Um . . . that’s only 1.5 weeks away!

  So?

  I’ll see what we can do . . .

  Who’s ‘we’?

  The company and . . .

  No!

  No?

  No Kyle, Mitch!

  What’s wrong with Kyle?

  I’m not his type.

  How do you know what his type is?

  This is ridiculous. I know she likes me. At least, I think she does. Her kiss certainly didn’t tell me any different. Why won’t she bother with me?

  It’s just not me.

  He really likes you, CiCi. He asks about you every day.

  Well, tell him not to waste his time.

  I’m not worth it.

  The fuck you aren’t!!!

  Why do you say stuff like this?

  So let me know if you can help me out!

  Thanks! Bye!

  Asshole!

  CiCi!!!!

  She doesn’t reply. I put the phone down, staring at her thoughts about being with me and rub my temples. I have no idea as to what I should do.

  “Walk away, man,” Mitch says as he stretches in the chair before getting up to head over to me. He picks up his phone and reads the texts.

  “I can’t walk away, Mitch. There’s something about her.” I shake my head.

  “Are you sure you really want to be with her because you like her or because she’s a puzzle you’re dying to figure out?” He cocks an eyebrow up at me.

  “Honestly?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Both.” I lean back in my chair and rub my face. “I’ve got to figure something out. I’ve got to get some plan of action going, preferably by next Saturday.”

  “Well, if anyone can do it, it’s certainly you.” He slaps my shoulder.

  “Thanks, man. I’ve just got to find her weakness.”

  I drive down the main drag, hoping to catch a glimpse of a mob scene outside Bark Avenue. Nope. Nothing. Well, it is a half an hour before I actually open. Still, I fantasized seeing a long line. How sad is that? Me—fantasizing about a line of people with pets outside of my shop. Better than fantasizing about Kyle again. I don’t know why I can’t shake him out of my system. It pisses me off!

  I turn right after my building and down the alley to the parking lot in the back. Hmm . . . why’s Addie here so early?

  “CiCi!” she bellows out as I park and turn the ignition off.

  “Hey, Addie, everything okay?” I ask, opening the car door.

  “Holy mother of God, girl! I just can’t believe it!” She does this running jump sort of thing towards me. Actually, I don’t know what the fuck she’s doing. She may be having some sort of weird seizure. “I tried calling you!” She smacks my arm. Pearl barks at our feet—not sure who that was directed towards.

  “What is it?”

  “We got an anonymous check today from a donor!” she screeches.

  “That’s great but, uh, why is it that great?” Seriously, the shelter gets checks like that a few times a year.

  “It’s for fifty thousand dollars!” She bounces. I have never seen a smile this huge on her face before. Oh shit. Crrrrrrrappppp! She’s starting to cry. Shit’s about to get real. I don’t like it when shit’s about to get real. “Do you know what this means?” she asks through her tears.

  “We won’t get upset if no one shows up today?” I ask slowly, unsure of how to handle all of this emotion.

  “Nope. It also means we won’t be shutting our doors anytime soon!” She pulls me in for a hug—the same one I’m suffocating from.

  “Addie, that’s awesome!” I pat her back, hoping she gets the message to let me go.

  “Yes it is!” She pulls away. “Well, let’s get inside and set up for whatever crowd we have.”

  “Do you have the volunteer list
for the people who are helping me today?” I ask as we walk around the building. I unlock the door and we walk in.

  “Yes, it’s right here.” She pulls it out of her purse and hands it to me. I set it down on the counter and hang my purse underneath on the hook. I take a moment to look down at the list. It’s filled with the usual people, mostly the ones I drag in here.

  “Who’s Lindsey?” I glance up and give her a strange look.

  “I don’t know. Her brother set it up with me, though. I guess we’ll find out.” she smiles.

  “I guess so.” I return it with a meek one. I hate meeting new people. Well, I just hate having to hold myself back a little from who I am. I hit the stereo and The Go-Go Girls come on singing about their lips being sealed. I haven’t heard this song in forever! Just then, the bells at my door ring as it opens.

  “Loxy!” Charley yells as Loxy bolts in. She loves her Aunt CiCi. Vader follows suit, heading right for Pearl. Pearl is Vader’s best friend. She’s small but thinks she’s big and he’s the opposite. On some weird level, they’ve connected over this. That’s animals for you.

  “Do I have to stay the entire two hours if it’s slow?” Charley asks exasperated. Bitch is lucky Addie is here. See, I hate holding my crazy back—pisses me off! I give her a look. Being sisters, we get all telepathic and shit.

  “No. I actually have a lot of people signed up for today. I just hope I have work for those people.” I throw her an apron.

  “I don’t want this one!” She throws it back.

  “Put it on!” I throw it back at her.

  “It says I Puddy Tat! I’m not wearing it,” she growls and throws it onto the shelf.

  “Here.” I roll my eyes and hand her a different one. She opens it.

  “Ceese! My bird is bigger than yours? Why does every apron have to have a sexual reference? You don’t even groom birds!” She turns it inside out and puts it on.

  “It’s a conversation piece.” I shrug.

  “What the hell kind of conversation are you going to start with that besides inappropriate ones that have nothing to do with animals?” She throws her hair up in a ponybun aggressively.