Goodbye Uncertainty Read online

  Me: Hormones, woman’s prerogative ... whichever one fits the bill. Lol.

  Ray: Whatever, text me when u get home.

  Me: I love you and I can’t wait to see you!

  Ray: :)

  “Well, that was weak,” I say flippantly.

  “What?” Derek asks.

  “I said I love you and miss you and he sent me a fucking smiley face.”

  “Grayson?” he asks, and I can’t help but go into hysterics.

  “Oh, Derek,” I wipe my eyes. “Honestly!”

  “Shit ... you are going to tease me for the rest of my life about that one!” he grumbles.

  “Oh, for sure! That is, until we can actually receive texts from Heaven!” I giggle. Derek answers his ringing phone.

  “You sound like shit, mate. Why? I need to ask her. I can’t just tell her, you do remember who we are talking about? Yes, all right ... hold on then.” He pulls the cell away from his mouth. “Becca, Ray wants me to bring you to his house instead of the inn.”

  “Why?” I look at him quizzically.

  “Because he’s afraid you’ll dive right into work. He wants you to relax and slowly get acclimated.”

  “Give me the phone.” I hold my hand out, and Derek complies. “Ray, I don’t want to stay at your house by myself, and I want to see how things are going at the inn.” I sigh.

  “My par ... ents are there, and—” he coughs.

  “Baby, you sound terrible. Now I know why you got grumpy.”

  “No, Becca, I got grumpy because you’re pulling the same shit!” he yells, but then starts coughing up a storm. He hangs up on me. My phone lights up.

  December 27, 2012 12:18 p.m.

  Ray: Just do what U r fucking told!

  I throw my phone into my purse.

  “You’re not going to answer him?” Derek once again looks uncomfortable.

  “He’s sick and crabby ... no, I’m not.” I cross my leg over the other and stare out the window angrily. Derek laughs.

  “What?” I snap. “Sorry,” I say quickly.

  “Gray drove you crazy like this, too.”

  “Damn alpha males!” I seethe, then ponder in silence. Does it aggravate me more that they behave this way, or that I find it to be such a turn-on?

  “So ... what are we doing, friend?”

  “Well, can I have your driving services for a couple more hours?” I ask as he gets off at our exit.

  “Sure.”

  “Can we pick up the girls, then go to the mall? I have no maternity clothes. I could use some retail therapy. Sorry,” I add, knowing this will not be at the top of his hit parade.

  “And then?”

  “Then Ray’s,” I say, defeated.

  “Okay then.” He smiles and heads to the inn. As we park, Morgan and Annie come running out, screaming for me.

  “I was so scared, Mama,” Morgan cries.

  “I know, baby, I know. I have so much to tell you tonight.” I kiss her. “C’mere, you!” I hold my free arm out to Annie and hug her just as fiercely. “Look how you two have grown!” I release and take another look at them. “Come now. Get your coats! We’re going to the mall. I need new clothes, and your help!” They look at each other with excitement and take off. “Is Hazel here?” I ask Derek.

  “No. She’s with her sister, Violet, for the holidays.”

  “Oh.” I sigh with disappointment. Within minutes, the girls are back out to the truck and Derek begins his brave adventure of taking the three of us to the mall.

  “All set?” Derek looks up.

  “Yep.” I smile as he grabs the one bag I was carrying. The girls walk ahead with the other several bags filled with treasures for all of us.

  “Ray’s pleased that you’re listening.” He smiles. I shrug. “But he’s not pleased that I brought you to the mall after just getting out of the hospital. I have to agree with him there,” he adds. I’d agree with both of them ... if I wasn’t too stubborn to admit the poor judgment call on my part.

  The last few days have been filled with visitors and trying to get back into some sort of routine with the girls and work. Well, I’ve only dipped my toes in at work. Claudia’s been doing an excellent job. I gave her a huge raise and put her on our company insurance. Needless to say, she was thrilled.

  Since Ray’s coming home later this afternoon, I decide to drive into town to get some filet mignon from our local butcher shop. I think it’ll be a nice treat for him after eating mainly hospital food for three months.

  “Becca!” Al practically jumps over the counter when I walk in.

  “Hi, Al!” I smile as he comes around to hug me. I panic when I see the blood all over his white uniform.

  “Oh ... justa stains, sweetaheart! You my firsta customa this mornin’!” He smiles, holding his arms open wide. I go in for a super Al hug. I adore this little gray-haired Italian man. He reminds me of my dad—same type of personality. “Look at you, mama ... you belly almost as a bigga as mine!” He rubs it. “You husband musta be a so excited! How is Ray?” he asks.

  “Husband?” I hear a familiar voice ask. I turn around.

  “Yes, Will, husband,” I say. He glances down to my belly. I ignore him and turn back to Al. “He’s doing better. Should be home today. Can I have six of your best filet mignon?”

  “Only the best for you, Becca!” He kisses his fingers and throws the kiss in the air toward me.

  “So ... he knocked you up, huh?” Will says. “Well, I guess he finally figured out how to get you to marry him. I’m kinda shocked, Becca. That’s so 1950s.” He turns away to place his order with Rosie.

  “You know, Will, I’d be careful of what you say to me or about me, unless you want Ray to finish what he started. Ray’s kind of the ‘big guy’ in town—everybody’s pal. You’re just the town jerk. I don’t think you would get much sympathy if Ray’s fist accidentally hit your face a few times.” I find myself articulating my words like Grayson did when he was passionate about what he was saying.

  “Is he a bothering you, Becca?” Al asks angrily.

  “Doesn’t he bother everybody, Al?” I smile at him. “Al, you remind me so much of my dad!” I kiss his cheek when he brings the meat out to me.

  “I wisha you were my daughter! Si bella!” He kisses both of my cheeks.

  “How much, Al?”

  “On the house—welcome home!”

  “Thanks, Al!” I smile and go over to Rosie, his sister, and discreetly hold out a few folded bills. “Rosie, put this in the register to cover the steaks.” I keep my voice low. She takes the money, giving me a knowing look. Al’s sweet, but they can’t afford to be handing out filet mignon like it’s candy.

  I walk up to Will. “You know, it’s sad. I considered you a good friend at one time. You’re just an asshole!” I snap.

  “And you’re nothing but a fucking cock tease!” he bites back in a low voice near my ear. “Tell Ray I said, Good luck, prick!” He heads out the door. Ugh! I could punch him in the face myself!

  I leave the butcher’s and decide to quickly run into the jewelry store to order Morgan’s necklace from Grayson. As Eric is writing out the order, the bracelet Grayson just “gave” me catches my eye. “I’ll take that, please.” I point to it.

  He grabs it. “Becca, I’m sorry. It’s been sold. It shouldn’t have been in the case. This was specially ordered by somebody.”

  My heart sinks.

  “Well, can you order me one?” I feel hope rise.

  “Sorry, one of a kind.” He sighs.

  “What? Well, can you ask the person who ordered it if I can buy it off of them? I’ll pay them extra,” I plead.

  “I can’t at the moment. The person is out of the country. That’s why we still have it.” I’m about to be in tears. Nope ... now I am, sobbing included. “Hold on, Becca.” Eric raises his finger and goes into the other room. He’s on phone for several minutes, waving his hands. He looks exasperated. He comes back out and gently takes my arm. “Let’s see how this
looks.” He places the bracelet on my wrist, then hands me the phone.

  I shoot Eric a curious look before I speak into the receiver. “Hello?”

  “Yeah ... Merry Christmas, babe!” Ray says with a bit of irritation. “Why the hell are you in the jewelry store? You should be home resting!”

  I give the bracelet and phone back to Eric and leave the store. I climb into my truck and cry. Ray has been so snippy with me, and, well ... that bracelet was supposed to be from Grayson! I ignore my phone, which is blowing up—surely by one Mr. Ray McNeil—and just head to his house.

  “She’s home,” Elise says into the receiver when I walk in. “Ray wants to talk to you.” She tries to give me the phone. I hand her the meat and head upstairs without a word. I lie down on the bed and cry some more. “Becca?” Elise opens the door.

  “Elise, please.” I lift my hand. “I’m very emotional, and your son has been an asshole to me all week.”

  “Oh, Becca, he’s just mad he’s not here with you, and now they don’t wanna release him ‘til tomorrow.” She rubs my back.

  “Let’s be honest. He’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.” I sigh.

  “Do you blame him?” she asks.

  “No, but he doesn’t have to be a jerk.”

  “Well, I’m not gonna to sit here and listen to you talk ‘bout my son like this! You’ve put him through a lot, missy, and he’s been nothin’ but good to you!” she says, raising her voice.

  “Ha! You have no idea how your son has treated me!” I catch myself before I go too far. I get off of the bed and head back downstairs. “Morgan! Morgan!” I yell for her and grab my keys.

  “Becca, what are you doin’?” Elise asks when she catches up to me.

  “I’m going home!” I cry.

  “Becca, Ray wants to talk to you. Please talk to him, honey.” Artie tries to give me the phone. I accept it.

  “Ray.”

  “Baby, please ... take a deep breath and calm down.” His voice is soft and comforting now. I walk into the den and sit.

  “Ray, I can’t help how I was. I had no control over it. It kills me that I hurt you so much. That’s not going to happen anymore. It hasn’t all week, and I have most of my memories of us back. I know you’re upset that you’re not home with me, but you’ve been short with me off and on since I woke up. I know it’s because you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s not going to. I threw those shoes out ... they were old and ugly! Just bare feet over here!” I begin to hiccup-cry like a little kid. “Ray?” He hasn’t said a thing. I hear the door open behind me, provoking me to stand and turn.

  “Yeah, baby?” he says with a sigh.

  I stare up at him as he walks over to me. He throws his phone down and grabs the one out of my hand.

  “You weren’t supposed to be home ‘til later.”

  He’s so close to me. I lick my lip before biting it.

  “Mmm ... there it is.” He smiles, freeing my lip so he can claim it for himself. He releases and slides his tongue across the slit of my mouth, begging to enter. He fists my hair as he deepens the kiss. My heart is pounding a mile a minute—we’re like a wildfire, unable to be contained. He pulls my sweater up and over my head. His hand caresses my belly. He tilts his head. “Becs ... what did they do to you at that hospital?”

  “Oh, that? That’s from an injection I received before I went to the hospital. It was a pretty big injection,” I add. “But the doctor said a few more months and the swelling will definitely go down.” I let my smile hit my eyes.

  “Big injection, huh?” Boyish grin.

  “Mmm, yeah ... I think so.” I lean up to kiss him again. His hands slide up my back and unhook my bra as his mouth travels across my jaw and down my neck. “Did you lock the door?” I ask when he stands back, hooking his fingers under the straps and guiding them down slowly.

  “Yes.” He stares into my eyes. Stormy blue-gray ... God, I love his eyes! I tug at the hem of his blue cable-knit sweater. We pull it off of him together, followed by his T-shirt. Ray takes in a sharp breath as my fingers trace the skin above the waist of his jeans. My hand travels up his chest, and when I reach his heart, he covers it with his and holds it there. He palms my face with his free hand, then grasps my hair again. He pulls me close to him, our breath smacking each other in the face. “Are you mine, Becca?” he asks softly.

  “Yes, baby,” I say after mentally declaring a need for a panty change. He sounds so hot when he asks that.

  “Theme song?” He crooks his head at me again.

  “No, just in need of a panty change.” I bite my smile back, and his eyes light up playfully. There’s my Ray.

  “Let me help you with that.” His hands dive under the band of my pants and he carefully pulls the waist away and off of my belly, then whips them down with my underwear. I giggle, holding onto his shoulders to steady myself as I step out of them. He kneels in front of my stomach and lays several kisses on it.

  “I have a theme song for this.” I pat my belly. He looks up at me, seemingly trying to hide his nervousness. “‘Glad You Came’ by The Wanted.” I rub it, encouraging the goofy grin on his face and impending laugh.

  “How do you do it, baby?” he asks, looking astonished as he stands and stares down into my eyes.

  “How do I do what?”

  “How is it, after five years, you can still make my heart leap inside my chest like that?”

  I cup his face and lean up to kiss him. Ray has never fallen short on saying the sweetest things to me.

  “We do need to talk about this.” He sighs against my lips, his fingers caressing my rounded belly.

  “I know why it happened, Ray. Right now, I’d like you to just remind me how it happened.” I bite my lip, pulling my head back as I work at his belt.

  “Cliff notes or full version?” He thumbs my lip free.

  “Um ... feeling a bit impatient.” I unbutton and unzip his jeans dramatically. “Cliff notes, please,” I say, and start to pull them down. He grabs the waistband and does it himself. I turn to lay a blanket on the couch—for sanitary reasons, because these are the odd things I manage to think of even in the heat of the moment.

  Ray’s lips caress my shoulder, his hands at my hips. My right arm hooks around his neck as I turn my face to his. Our mouths lock; our tongues taste each other hungrily. His hands slowly travel up to my breasts.

  “Oh, um ... mmm,” I moan against his mouth and fist his hair as his fingers gently knead and pull at my nipples. This only encourages him to be a little tighter—a little harsher. “Ah, Ray ... please,” I beg, feeling the powerful surge of the electric current hitting my groin.

  “Feel good, baby?” Soft and sexy.

  “Yes,” I say breathlessly. My left hand grasps the side of his hip.

  “Do you want me, baby?” He bites at my earlobe. I turn to him urgently.

  “You know I do,” I say before my lips attack his fiercely. His light groans drive me even wilder, somehow. He brings me down on the couch. I open my legs without much coaching and lean up to meet his mouth as he climbs between them. I nudge his hip with my leg. He shifts slightly and, in one swift motion, enters me. I gasp from the painfully sweet feeling of my body trying to accommodate his size. Big was an understatement.

  “Becs ... baby, are you okay?” He touches my face. I open my eyes to gaze into his. I nod and fight the urge to bite my lip. Instead, I try to steady my breath. “Ready?” he barely whispers.

  “Yes.”

  He pulls his hips back only to crash into me again—reaching deeper.

  “Oh God!” I cry.

  “Shh.” He covers my mouth with his. His right hand grasps my left hip and guides it to match his motion. His thrusts quicken with more power and deeper intent, forcing my body to adjust to him quicker. Country Sybecca is in a white dress, rolling around on the floor singing “Like a Virgin” by Madonna.

  Soon my hips meet his urgently without any assistance. Our mouths keep each other quiet. After s
everal minutes, a soft, whimpering sob escapes my throat as I feel myself climbing higher and higher.

  “That’s it, baby. C’mon, Becca ... c’mon, baby.” He eggs me on as his face starts to scrunch. I squeeze around him. “Jesus, Becs ... oh God, baby,” he groans. Forehead to forehead, we come together, relishing in the intensity and sweetness of it. “Jesus, baby.” He takes in a deep breath as he pulls out. I wince. He smirks, looking satisfied. I giggle. “What?”

  “You love the face I make when you pull out. You always watch me and get that satisfied smirk on your face.” I scoot over and turn on my side to face him. He shifts onto his side as well.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Becs.” He sighs and watches his fingers trail along the side of my body. “You were so tight, baby. Usually you’re snug, but this was different.” He finally catches my eyes.

  “I think I did Kegels several times a day,” I say, then allow a giggle to erupt.

  “What?” He smiles.

  “Um ... well, I have a lot to tell you about when I was in a coma.” I push his hair off his forehead and plant a kiss there.

  “Shoot!” He grabs my hand and kisses my palm.

  “Well, um, let’s get dressed and at least go upstairs to our room. There’s a lot to talk about.” A shiver comes over me.

  “Cold?” He rubs my upper arm.

  “A bit.” I smile.

  “Okay. Let’s go.” He quickly kisses me. I sit up and grab my bra. Ray straddles behind me, helping me guide the straps back up, all the while planting soft, wet kisses across my shoulders. He hooks my bra for me. I throw my sweater on and grab my panties and pants. I slip them on my legs and stand to pull them up. Ray just stares at me in all of his naked glory.

  “C’mon, baby.” I hand him his boxer briefs and jeans. He dutifully responds. He stands, buttoning up. I bite my lip, admiring the sight of him. He glances up quickly, then grabs his shirt and returns my stare before putting it on. I move in close to him and run my hands up his chest slowly. “You are so fucking hot, McNeil.” I grasp his lips with mine.

  “Oh, baby, you better stop, or we will be back at square one here.” He pulls away and tugs his shirt on when I step back. He grabs his sweater, then my hand.